Continued from Page 2.

I debated with myself for four months on when, how, or even if I should tell my wife. Finally I allowed myself to be picked up by a man. Not only did I have sex with him, I kissed him and enjoyed all of it without any feelings of guilt. That was the final straw. I couldn't kid myself anymore. I was gay and I was finally going to start living part of my life for me. I couldn't stand the idea of sneaking around behind my wife's back. I told her knowing full well that she might just throw me out. She didn't. Just how we have been surviving will be the topic of a later article.

For the next three months I basically did nothing. I told two gay people who worked for me (one male and one female). I did quite a bit of talking to the man because he basically accepted me as I was (but let me know he didn't approve of my choice to remain married). The woman strongly opposed my being married and so I shared little with her. I was going nuts. A whole new facet of myself was coming into being and I didn't know what to do with it. Finally there was an article on AIDS in the newspaper which included the phone number of the local gay hotline. I kept it for several weeks before I called it. Finally I called and told the man on the other end of the phone what I was going through. Neither of the people at work would introduce me to any of their gay friends as that might contribute to the downfall of my marriage. The man on the hotline told me about several groups, including a gay fathers group that was meeting the next night. I screwed up my courage and called the president of the organization. invited me to the meeting, and told me the location. I told my wife that I wanted to go to the meeting because I needed to preserve my sanity.

Thank God the meeting was the next day. I was petrified. What if someone in there recognized me. They might tell my boss. They might tell my parents. I wasn't ready for that. Finally I knocked at the door. It was someone's apartment. There were about a dozen men in it. Only one was even somewhat queenish. I knew no one.. I would survive. They were having dinner when I came in and asked me to join them. I said I wasn't

Letters cont.

Gay/Lesbian organization or its activities through the appearance of a closeted spokesperson. Any and all spokespersons who wish to promote their organization through their APPEARANCE on GayWaves will no longer be permitted to do so with the use of a pseudonym or a first name only. We also wish to remind the Gay/Lesbian Community that Gaywaves staff strives to function as a media service that advocates Gay/Lesbian rights in an open format. GayWaves is heard on 91.1 FM at 7 P.M. Wednesdays.

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hungry. I had lied. I had barely eaten before I left because I was so nervous. I was afraid I would get AIDS. refused the punch because I had seen someone dip his cup in the bowl. Finally I found a clean cup and had some coffee (after all, I reasoned, it was made with boiled water). Actually that irrational fear of AIDS was good for me. It forced me to seek out sound information about the disease before I had the chance to begin any risky behavior.

The meeting was an eye opener. These were normal people talking about normal things and were able to freely talk about their gayness and what it meant to be gay. I guess somewhere on one level of my mind I had hoped to meet someone I might become sexually active with. I scanned the room looking for someone I might be interested in. None of them were particularly attractive to me. I picked the best of the lot and went up to talk to him after the meeting. Before I had gotten three sentences out of my mouth, he said very bluntly that people talk to each other because they want to be friends or they want sex and he was not interested in the latter with me. I was crushed. He was reading my mind better than I knew it myself. I had had my first lesson on how cruel the gay world could be. All the game playing, I'd learn about later.

I stayed late that night talking to the president and his lover. They started me on the road to wellness. Each week for the next few months, I would go over to someone's house and learn all I could about being gay and what the gay world was about. I slept with no one. In fact I overheard someone make the snide comment that all I ever did was talk. I didn't care. I was becoming WHOLE. Eventually I made friends. My God, I could make male friends. I could put my arm around someone and not worry about whether they thought I was gay or not. I could finally let go of that damnable control and be myself.▼

Editor's note: There currently is a support group in Cleveland for bisexual and/or married gay men. They meet at the lesbian and gay community center on the fourth Tuesday of each month. Any one desiring information or a contact number on this group and/or the loca! gay fathers group can obtain it from the gay hotline (216) 781-6736.

We arrive about 11:30 p.m. and seemed to be seemed to be among the first people there that night. Several others arrived shortly after us, undressed, and after a quick dip in the pool they proceeded to sit in the hot tub. Several minutes later the police arrive and arrested anyone who was nude for what we were told was public indecency.

When we asked the manager for details of what had happen, and what action was going to be taken on behalf of the arrested patrons, the manager said he was not responsible for these people and would do nothing.

We were very disappointed by the manager's apparent lack of concern for the arrested patrons.

We were very disappointed when the manager refused to call his attorney after our repeated requests that he do

SO.

And we are especially concerned that the LOHSC continues to advertise and encourage callers to attend its nude swimming.

Linus Herrell Larry Engel

Steve Schochet Rick Simmons

STARTING THIS MONTH

THE LESBIANIGAY COMMUNITY SERVICE CENTER WILL HAVE 500 NEW EMPLOYEES.

You could be one.

Through Community Shares, your payroll deduction can now reach The Center's vital gay/lesbian and AIDS program.

Greater Cleveland Community Shares is an alternative fund of 19 social action groups that you can now designate to receive your workplace giving. By checking off or writing in "Community Shares The Center," your donation will be specifically allocated to the gay/lesbian agency working most for you. Designating solely "Community Shares" is okay, too. Your giving will be equally distributed among The Center and our 18 fellow worthy agencies (listed below).

Whether your employer is conducting a charity choice campaign or not, you can always identify "Community Shares" on your payroll deduction card. Without coming out on the job, you can turn your paycheck into a gay check.

Greater Cleveland Community Shares Members

Citizens to Bring Broadway Back Citizens Mental Health Assembly Cleveland Council of Unemployed Workers Cuyahoga Association for Children & Adults

with Learning Disabilities

Divorce Equity, Inc.

Environmental Health Watch (hazardous materials)

Euclid Community Concerns

Heights Community Congress

Housing Advocates

Lesbian/Gay Community Service Center

Living in Cleveland Center

Metro Strategy Group of Cuyahoga Plan

(fair housing & race relations)

SANE/FREEZE Education Fund (nuclear disarmament)

Senior Citizen Coalition

South East Clevelanders Together

Templum House (domestic violence shelter)

Union-Miles Development Corp. (neighborhood revitalization)

Women's Law Fund

Working Women's Education Fund

Make Your Caring Count

LESBIAN-GAY

Community Service

Center

522-1999

OF GREATER CLEVELAND

SSS In the Kitchen with Auntie Ray

The basket of apples sat on the counter silently nagging me to do something with them. I would if I knew what to make. The the gang from F.B.W (Friends of Bill W.) suggested a no sugar added strudel. The pastry is available in the frozen food section and is made from flour, water, butter and lemon juice.

1 Sheet Puff Pastry

3 Cup Chopped Apples (cores pared)

1 Cup Unsweetened Apple Juice

1 tsp Cinnamon

1 Tlb Arrow Root

In a saucepan combine the apples, apple juice, cinnamon and Arrow Root over a low heat and while stirring, heat the mixture keeping in mind that the Arrow will thicken well below the boiling point of the juice. As soon as it begins to thicken remove from the heat. Evenly spread the mixture on the thawed sheet of puff pastry, sitting on a

GREATER CLEVELAND

Commemity

371-0209

lightly greased cookie sheet. Fold the sides over the top, leaving the ends open. Place in a preheated oven (475 Fat least 30 min) for 5 minutes, then reduce heat to 375 F till done (about 25 min). Remove from cookie sheet and cool.

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CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST

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DERBY BLDG., SUITE 205 5706 TURNEY ROAD GARFIELD HTS., OH 44125

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